Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Expectations
I have expectations of myself and I haven't been meeting them. I have not been the wife that I want or what my husband needs me to be. I am ashamed of myself and need to get my shit together. I have a little one in heaven who watches over me, and I know I am not being the mommy I should be and I have a little one who lives inside me that needs me and its daddy. Honey I love you and I am working on being a better wife and person that I want to be and need to be.
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Thinking of you, Nicole. I've never met you, but I think you are too hard on yourself. You have been through so much this year--more than any parent should have to bear. As for not being a good mommy to Kasey, that's bull. What about Christmas with Santa and that hole in your heart that belongs only to him? AND, CONGRATS on the pregnancy! So excited for you! I was a mess until the ultrasound and am now able to relax a little, but I still worry. I think I have to see it to believe it--a live screaming no tube-attached-to it real live baby in my arms! Like you, I'm never letting go! So happy for you!
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Beth
I hear you. I know I've been slacking since Carleigh died in a few areas and my hubby has been so good about it. I've been working on it and it has gotten better. You are a good mommy no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI have that fear too, that Im not being the best version of myself lately and that that might dissapoint Bryston. I would be willing to bet my house though that their love for us negates any dissapointment for us that they might have had. *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteI am definately not my old self or near being the best I can be. Luckily, my husband is the only one who understands. It seems everyone else in my life just wants me to be the old Bree. My house is a wreck, I never cook, and I can stay in bed for days at a time. Hang in there. I think we're "normal."
ReplyDeleteI have been nasty and mean, towards my husband. We fight a lot. I have had a short leash and am working very hard to be a better person! Bree I do follow Ashley's blog. In one of my earlier posts I have a picture of a painting she did for Kasey. She is a very sweet lady. Thank you for looking out for me :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you are not a bad wife. We all have times when we're not at our best. And that's ok.
ReplyDeleteSecond, congratlations on your pregnancy. I can understand holding out on your baby being a boy. It's a bit early for anyone to be certain about the sex anyway.
And to answer your comments on my blog....
They can't see much of his esophogus at the moment because all of the bone mass, but his kidneys did look ok. And I think they're concerned with how big he is because I live so far away from the hospital that I have to deliver at. They are worried that I will go into labor before my induction date. I'm concerned about the weight because I don't want to have to have a c-section. And no, I still haven't been able to get onto the CHERUBS site. I sent an email to the webmaster asking about it, but haven't gotten anything back.