I have been hugging Brooklyn tighter and loving on her more (I didn't think that was possible :) ) I cry sometimes as I nurse her and watch her play with her hand or my hair. I will never get to see Kasey do these things, it kills me. If I think about it too much it hurts. Why... (this post is going to be all over the place) there is a family whom I met while the CDH baby was still in the belly and he was given not much of a chance to live. From the outside it seemed like she didn't really care if he lived in her mind he was already dead. Needless to say he is doing well and will most likely go home. There have been somethings that have gone on with her that I just don't understand and can't believe. It hurts me though, I guess its jealousy. I pleaded, prayed, cried, screamed, spent pretty much every waking moment with him, read, sand you name it for Kasey, but he didn't get to come home with me... I love you punkin and miss you more than words can say.
I'll be thinking of Kasey. I'm sorry not many people came. The stuff I plan always seems to end up like that and it does make you feel like people don't care.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why that lady's baby is doing so well and will go home and Kasey didn't. It just doesn't seem fair.
(huge hugs) Life is so unfair!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Nicolle!!! <3 Kasey <3
ReplyDeleteNicolle, Im sorry you didnt have a good turnout! Fall is always kinda sad for me too, its funny how an entire season can change out grieving patterns isnt it? You're in my thoughts and prayers! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the fundraiser :( I don't understand the fairness of the world either.
ReplyDeleteNicolle, you worked SO hard at that fundraiser. You did every single thing that you could. I wish I could have been there-geography got in the way. But I think it's so representative of our lives-people who understand and have been through our loss will make the time. Others don't get the importance and how much it means to you.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of your beautiful Kasey, today and always.
Hugs.
Thinking of you, and wishing Kasey a happy birthday in Heaven.
ReplyDelete((((((((((Nicolle))))))))))) Fundraisers are hard, especially for a cause no one's ever heard of. I run CHERUBS... I should be able to pull together 10's of 1000's of donations at fundraisers, right? Wrong. Our Angel Ball was a big success in every way but $$$$. 6 months of work and a whole committee and still, we didn't do so well. But it's an investment for next year, the year after, etc... it will grow. Let me remind you of how amazing you are.... last year you single-handedly raised $10,000 in 1 day - more than any other CDH parent or even whole charity - EVER!!!!! I seriously bow down to you. You've done more in 1 day, on your first year, than I've been able to do in a day in 15 years. All in memory of Kasey!!! Do you have idea how proud he is of you? How proud all of us are of you?
ReplyDeleteYou and I have talked about that situation you mentioned. You know how I feel about all that and I'd better not comment here because all heck would break loose if I did. ;) But this is what I believe about the fairness of it all... who is a better mother for a little baby that is only here for a short time? A mom who loves him, with all her heart, who is completely selfless in that love, who believes in him, wants him for him and not for attention/funds/whatever. Someone who truly loves him with every fiber of her being. That's your love for Kasey. In just days he felt more real, true, unconditional love than millions of unfortunate kids who never get a millionth of what you got from you. You were chosen to be his mommy because he knew, and God knew, that you could give him all that love. No, it's not fair. But in so many, many ways... Kasey got far more than the other child ever will.
Love you and am here if you need to vent or talk.
I wish Kasey was here with Brooklyn. Thinking of you, Nicolle. xo
ReplyDelete